You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
