he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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