I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
