They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
