if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
