I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
