I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
