Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
