...so i touched it.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
