New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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