If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
