i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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