just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
