party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
