I must be too annoying 4 u.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
