well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
