That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
