I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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