First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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