Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
