weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
