I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
that is very illegal...i love you.
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