Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
