i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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