We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
