If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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