So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
