a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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