I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
