ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
