White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
