youre lurking in front of me
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
