You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
