burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
