i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
