can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Randomize
