so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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