Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
