The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
