So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
