i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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