on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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