i'm signing you up for texting rehab
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
