i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I didn't notice because vodka
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
