Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
