Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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