Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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