I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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