he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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