This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
