next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
