im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
