so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
