You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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