sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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