"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
